A while ago, my husband and I were having a conversation about what the next step in our process could be. (Notice that I said could and not should.) We have gone back and forth in our decisions about the next step for many months now, which is a very natural part of this process by the way. We decided that the next step would be a major medical procedure this summer.
In the meantime, we had some really good friends of ours that are also struggling with infertility call us a few weeks ago and tell us that they were going to Africa and asked us if we wanted to go with them. I, of course, jumped at the chance! Africa! That is on my “want to go sometime in my life” list. My husband, however, the ever intellecutal realist (which I love and need) was a little more hesitant.
Is Africa really a priority when we have this procedure coming up soon? My selfish side just really wanted to go no matter what and therefore, I struggled with this in my thinking and feeling. I felt torn between another medical procedure we were planning and going on this trip with my husband and friends. The priorities came down to this: what do I let happen to me and what do I make happen? Did I have to choose one or the other options that were coming up?
After my husband and I talked for awhile about our priorities, we really found that the root priority for both of us was not different at all! What we really wanted was to have eachother be as happy as we could be. It wasn’t about external options. So, why am I talking about this in this entry? No matter where you are in this infertility process, our priorities can be the same. I want to challenge you to make your number one priority be your spouse. Ask yourself daily, “do I really know how they are doing emotionally today? do they need a break? a trip? are they ready for the next procedure?”
Our ability to predict when to have our family might be unknown but we can create the happiness in our marriages by choosing to have our spouses be our number one priority.
Just ran across your blog while doing a search on fertility. I used to live in Ghana. I was inspired to go there by a professor in college. He used to show a slide show about his trip, including their participation in an Akan fertility rite. He claimed this was the reason for their many, many children after that trip. Many African cultures are very fertility-oriented. If you’re open to it, it may be an interesting way to explore a new culture. At the very least, you’ll come out with some amazing blog posts! Jude Trusera : The Power of Been There
I commend you for taking a trip like that but can commiserate with the struggle to go or not to go when faced with these fertility treatments. It can so trapping of our lives – we used to be able to just get up and go and now we have to scrutinize out calendars.
I came across this blog today at lunch. This really struck a cord with me! This jounrey can make you feel like your life is at a stand still, like you can’t move on with your life plans because of the next procedure or appointment. I recently talked my husband into buying kayaks…the last thing we needed to spend money on, but it has been awesome!! We have both benefited from the stress relief loading up the truck, driving 2 minutes away and getting out on the water. Why didn’t we do this sooner? I was reminded to starting living, and not just wait, wait, wait to get my life back again. My life is now. Now, if I could just talk my husband into going on a long weekend somewhere….